Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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