Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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