My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
