I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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