i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
