hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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