I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
