Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
