She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
