Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
