I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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