Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
