Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
