The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
