Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
