I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
