He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
