shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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