i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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