You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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