That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
