Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
