Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
