I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
