i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
