I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
