Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
