i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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