Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We need to feng shui this bitch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
