I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
