There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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