You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In America we eat man semen.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
