capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
