I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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