the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
