In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
