i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
