I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
