Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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