If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
