If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
