Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
