At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
