My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
