It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's paint friendship bongs
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
