I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
