i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
