OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
