Jerry, you need to find god
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
