why didn't you poke me back
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
