i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
