if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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