He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
