Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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