What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
