I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
