Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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