I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
