watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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