Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
