We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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