his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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