so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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