i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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