i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
