If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
