u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
