I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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