Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
