Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
