Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
